if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
