sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
