I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
