Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
