we have pet lesbian snakes
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
