Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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