Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
