John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
