you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
