omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
