i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
