I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
