It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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