i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
