Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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