i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
