Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
