sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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