one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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