mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
