So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
