My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
