I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
