it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
