We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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