i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize