Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up under a house in Key West
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