i may or may not be watching the land before time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
