Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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