She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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