she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
