My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You made out with two different species that night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
