fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
