My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
