no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
