My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
