I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
