he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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