M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
