During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
