Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
