I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
