You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
