I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
