I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
