I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
