The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
