But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
