Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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