Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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