did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
